The Urethras?

For those of you who are not aware, this is what wikipedia would describe the urethra as. "In males, the urethra travels through the penis, and carries semen as well as urine. In females, the urethra is shorter and emerges above the vaginal opening."

This band would be my highschool ska band's best friend. Come see the Donkey Punchers and the Urethras at a church basement. Too bad we did not go to the same high school, we could have been bros, bro. They have their own website which is pretty impressive. The front page/only page is a picture of these three guys wearing ties and making goofy faces. They are without a doubt about as good looking as an urethra (zing!).

These tubes that carry jizz and piss are alright by me. The 15 year old me is writing this blog entry for the record. They are a poppy-alternative rock band. I immediately compared them to a less funky Cake. They are not that ska, but there is no doubt in my mind they love Reel Big Fish. The singer has a teenage, out of tune voice. It is dull and not very melodic, but it works well for what they are doing. Anytime he tries to hit a higher note I laughed. Its bad, yet funny.

Almost every song is mid tempo, with some fast talking. They have slow/fast parts. But it is a pretty steady record. Assuming of course these kids are pretty young, they are pretty good at their instruments. I can't hear the bass lines and that sucks. This band could use some bass to help it sound more solid.

Some of the songs are almost good, some of the songs are pretty bad. I got bored throughout the CD. Listening to the first song was fun; by the time I made to the last track i remembered why I am done playing goofy pop punk. This shit sucks. Well like its kind of cool cause i still think it is funny. And it is. Their name is what you PEE out of! Hilarious!

The lyrics coming from these kids are pretty good. A lot better than other people. My prime example comes from the song "So Ca$h"

"It is so much easier to sit around and stuff, when i just sit at home and jack off (semen comes out of the urethra, ZING!)" Good work guys. I can really feel the emotion he is trying to show right at that moment. So Ca$h is probably the best song on the album. Maybe because he talks about something that comes out of his urethra.

The band would be way better if every song was about urethri, which is the plural of urethra, not urethras. Remember how Hank Hill, in the popular television show King of the Hill, had a narrow urethra. They talked about that a lot. It was pretty funny. I wonder if these dildos in the Urethras have narrow urethri themselves. Just something to think about.

15 year old me gives these guys 3/5, But my band is totally better

20 year old me doesn't even care enough to rate them. They'll figure it out. Unless they are my age. In that case, you guys are faggots (no offense to the gays, i like the gays), stop being so fucking lame. You guys can suck on my fucking urethra (zing).

Laughing Gas

Laughing Gas

Hi Guyz!!! IM DYLAN and Im like guNna be writtin for di$ blog k!!!!!!!

As my first review for the kind people at Reviews by Sam I was just thrilled. Right off the bat Laughing Gas had a lot going for me. I like the band name and the album title. “Trapped In a Shark Tank”. Not too bad.

The first song starts really awesome; cool sample, driving guitar and drums, some cool riffage on top of that. I was like oh man, reviewing albums people make is going to be the shit. Then the vocals came in… Oh they came in. There was something incredibly, I don’t know, whispery I believe is what I am looking for. Kind of ruined the whole band for me. But it was just not the vocals; the song in no way shape or form deserves almost 4 minutes. The music behind the singer is slightly catchy, well recorded, and kind of talented. Everyone is more than capable of playing their instrument, so that’s good.

Overall the lyrics suck balls. You can listen to any song on the album and find something worth ridiculing. “I Hate Myself” as a whole is excellent proof of that. “I hate you until the day you die, I fucking hate you until the day you die” Good one guys.

The second song on the album “Henry” is extremely confusing to me. What happened to the band that was making generic boring music? This song reminds me a lot of Dead to Me, or maybe The Flatliners at slow parts. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the Red Hot Chili Peppers use that exact same guitar riff on one of their songs that I don’t feel like looking up right now. Cause then I would have to listen to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. But as a whole the song is kind of cool.

I’d compare it to some other bands but just imagine any pop bank you have ever seen open for a good punk band. That is Laughing Gas. I guess the name is true. This album put me to sleep faster than Laughing Gas. The whisper choir boy style of the vocals really did not help me pay attention to this album. If the songs were cut in half, that would be way better. But they are not. Therefore forcing me to listen to a lot more un-original instrumental parts I really didn’t want to listen to. Seeing that “Wasteland” was over five minutes I refused to listen to it. I doubt I missed much.

2/5 Just because there are way worse bands out there. Extremely average. So many better things I could have done than listened to this. Like watch Lets Make a Deal. Now that’s entertainment, unlike Laughing Gas.

P.S. sorry there were not more dick jokes. I am still new here and working my way up to talking about eating assholes.

Additional thoughts from Sam:

I think D-Money really nailed this one, but I want to point one thing I noticed out, which was that the bass player does a whole lot for this band, not just in terms of adding something interesting to the sound, but also in making sure that the album has an abundance of Andriano-esque dick-waiving runs, which are fun.